One of the changes in my life I’ve been working towards is being more productive as I build towards a life outside of stay at home mom. While I love being a mom, I was starting to feel a loss of identity of the person I used to be before kids. I had given up my career in social work, and then we moved, so I became a bit more isolated. I did meet other people, but not really outside of the spectrum of fellow parents (with exceptions) or coworkers of my partner. I felt a bit like the outsider, my only space being at home.
I began to make changes, first stepping outside of my space, finding and meeting like minded people. I found a place I felt like I fit in. Knowing I wanted to follow my dreams, and create a career that resonated with me, something fulfilling yet challenging, I enrolled in the Community Ministry Certification program with Cherry Hill Seminary, and now the Spiritual Direction Program as well. It’ll be a long path, but I trust it's worth it.
Only...I wanted to be busy, and gods, I am so busy! There are moments I feel like I’ve done nothing but assignments for days. On top of that, this month I’m doing workshops and helping to staff the online Morrigan’s Call retreat. Two weekends of devotional work for The Morrigan, which I love to do, but it is a lot! Particularly since it’s online, my sitting muscles are already sore! All of this is on top of some personal projects and life stuff, homeschool (thank the gods my partner is done with his academic year and can take over almost completely!) Did I mention it’s my partner’s birthday this week as well?
I wanted to be busy. I wanted to feel like I was actually doing something outside of parenting (which is an important job as well!), but maybe I should’ve specified some hours? I kid- I enjoy the fact that at this point I get to sleep in and start my work when I want to, and being a night owl, I like going to bed when I am ready. Despite the stress at times, it’s a very wholesome feeling to begin doing something worth doing. Going into the spiritual direction program, I knew that May and June would be incredibly busy.
So I breathe. I don’t force anything, I go with the flow. I give thanks for many things, including the fact that both my programs aren’t academia, and things like hard deadlines aren’t important. If I’m an hour or two late, or even a day late, it’s no big deal. The wonderful thing about spiritual work is that the people you work with are understanding. Of course, workshops and retreat meditations have a hard deadline, but that leaves room for prioritizing. I know my first workshop needs to be done by my scheduled time on Saturday, and my second workshop needs to be ready by Sunday on the fourth day.
This is the joy of creating a path for myself. I asked for this, and while I might jokingly complain, every step moving me closer to living my authentic life, and my right relationship with the Gods and spirits. It’s an incredibly powerful feeling. Sometimes a little overwhelming, sometimes frightening. But a part of the process is all about facing those fears, being strong and seizing the opportunity I asked for. Because the rewards are endless- starting with the simple pleasure of enjoying nature, knowing that it is just as important to my work as writing, reading and taking care of others. This is my spirituality, this is my work, this is my medicine and my healing. How awesome is that?
I'm looking forward to sharing more about this journey!