The days after the Morrigan's Call Retreat, I’m always tired, emotional, and spiritually fulfilled. There’s a deep sense of connection, not just to The Morrigan, but to a community, that for me, is a long way away from me during the rest of the year. I might see a face or two in person over the year, between retreats, but the rest is all digital- texts, messenger, comments on posts. Here's my thoughts on this year's amazing event.
The Ugly:
Let’s start with the Ugly. I’m so tired now. My body is very sore. I have bruises, and I’m pretty sure a tick or spider bit me. (I’m watching that like a hawk…) I slept hard Sunday night, and Monday night, napping on Monday as well.
And I won’t talk about all the ugly crying I’ve done since the end of Sunday's ritual, and leaving camp.
The Good:
There was so many good moments this year. The weather was mostly nice- Thursday was humid and hot, but Friday and Saturday were warm, but comfortable. The food was quite delicious again this year too.
Good conversations- just so many that I can’t even list them all. But it’s the type of conversations I think I personal crave because I live so far from others. Personal stories, experiences, wisdom, lessons, comparisons, all shared without judgment, and at least for me, feelings of “man, magick is beautiful and amazing.”
The number of people that showed up for oracle was amazing. We’ve never had to cap the line before, and this year, we had to. It wasn’t a bad thing- it all worked out, I think, but I was blown away. And while our oracles should be listed under The Best category, I’m going to mention them all hear since I’m on that topic- Nikki, Stephanie, Ruth and Michelle were AMAZING, and I’m so grateful that they are willing to do this work.
Last year, I was going through a lot of my own bullshit, sorting through stuff, and while I was very focused on my role as a ritualist and staff member, looking back, I don’t think my soul was completely where I wanted it to, or even needed it to be. And while that’s ok, because we are where we are, and must work from that place, I left last year’s retreat somewhat feeling as though I had lost some self worth, and struggled to feel as though I could stand with my back straight before The Morrigan and her community. I was still healing, I realize now.
This year, after a lot of shadow work, and personal growth and healing, it was completely different. This year, not only did I feel healed, her presence was radiating in almost everything I did. I felt her reminding me that any disconnection I had with her or with others was of my own making. I needed to cut through illusions, and finally see my true self again.
Did I mention that was a whole part of Saturday's Ritual?
Friday's ritual was beautiful, and in that, we were gifted a spear from Sam over at Raven’s Keep Forge. This spear is gorgeous, and it’s vibration is incredible. Just holding it for a few moments was powerful. It was an incredible gift from an incredible person (and you can read their words here.)
Saturday and Sunday's rituals were just as great. They all felt deep and poignant. I love ritual drama, I love being a part of it and it’s just so hard to describe how much it means to me. That mix of knowing that I’m overcoming my fear of being in front of others, with just a sense of honor that I am able to do it. That feeling and moment I feel her presence sweep over me. Knowing the work that our temple staff put into it all makes it all that more powerful to me, and I truly do my best to put my heart and soul into the work.
The Best:
Our amazing staff. I’ve never met folks who come together so easily to work so hard to not only show their devotion through their actions, but are welcoming, caring and supportive of everyone around them. We are all from different paths, but we are all working towards the same goal- doing her work, bringing a community together in the name of An Morrigan.
During our staff day, we had a ritual. There was a meditation, and in that meditation, I was shown myself standing in a rushing stream of water. There was a log, and I could’ve climbed it and gotten myself out, but instead, I was firmly planted, a spear in one hand, and the other was held out so others could grab it as they crossed. That was my role. Not just at Retreat, but every day. It’s what I do. I help others navigate themselves to safer ground, more solid ground. And I think most of the staff do that in some way. Our combined, shared experiences and wisdom, and our willingness to offer up ourselves deepen our connection to each other.
We aim to not gatekeep, or tell others how their journey should work, nor do we do the work for anyone else. We nudge, push, and guide, we listen, encourage and watch. We cheer, support and celebrate growth.
And I saw our community come together once again to help one of our own. We do that every year, with raffles filled with donated items- the money goes towards scholarships for the next year, but it is also used whenever one of our own has a need.
The Amazing:
Otherwordly reiki! What you ask? I had a period intense back pain during my guardian time as sword bearer, almost to the point of tears and frustration. But at some point, I felt the presence of Cori, our priestess and my friend, sister and mentor who passed in 2020. I heard her say my name (which I heard all weekend), and felt the spread of warmth as she took my pain from me. It made me smile and tear up
And knowing I wasn't the only one to feel her presence. We know Cori, and we know she's reveling in her role as an Ancestor.
The Bad:
And finally, the bad?
Well, nothing is ever perfect. Rain on Sunday morning sort of sucked.
Sometimes we have to deal with people’s senses of entitlement and the “rules don’t apply to me” folks. We aim to keep our rules fair, and sometimes the rules aren’t ours, but the campsite rules. The rules are for the safety of everyone, like not having open fires except in designated areas, respecting Temple space, cabin space, and other shared space. Respecting the Land. We had a few folks who took too much food at times, so that there was not enough for others. I’m not sure if it’s a sense of “I paid for my meal plan and I’ll eat as much as I want” or just not simply understanding that when you pay for catering, you pay for a certain amount of food per person, and while there is some leeway, the food is not unlimited. And with today’s economy? It’s tough, as we work hard to be hospitable and have enough for all.
Some people can also forget that this time and space is SACRED. This is not the same style of event as a festival or general pagan gathering. While we are pagan-based and tend to not be restrictive in terms of drinking, sex and having a good time, there is an important balance that sometimes people forget. We are here to relax and enjoy ourselves, but not in such excess that it impedes on this sacred work, and on the space of others. We value our actions representing The Morrigan- so we value the tending of the land, the tending our bodies, and the tending and respecting of others. It's a part of personal responsibility.
That said, 99% of the attendees understood all of this, showed respect and personal responsibility. So many were quick to clean up, and help where they could. This was a great group of people this year. Their energy, their enthusiasm, their eagerness to help, learn, celebrate and participate was overflowing. The drumming circle was loud, and though I didn’t get down there in time (a willing sacrifice to tend to the Temple and Oracle time) I almost didn’t need to. I could hear the drums and the chanting and feel the energy.
During the year, I truly miss everyone. I admit it, I’m not good about keeping connections up- I’ve never really been comfortable with the whole messenger/texting/email thing. I know it’s imbalanced of me to hope that others reach out, cause I’m just that bad or uncomfortable with it. The energy I feel now will wane, of course, and I’ll start to feel disconnected again. I am getting better at that, and am intentionally working to remember the following:
1. Why I attend the retreat
2. Why I do the work
3. Why the people in this community are amazing
4. That I am love, connected and a part of the community (not just someone people tolerate at the retreat)
So, as I said in the event page on FB: Do the work she gave you this retreat, build your relationship with her, and grow. And I’ll see you next year!
(and I’m going to throw it out there. Support the vendors, staff, community members who are out there trying to support themselves. Take their classes, buy their goods and services, like their posts and blogs, share their posts and blogs, review their books, and tell them how much you appreciate them! Me included, I really need support too! 😉)
Attending the MCR was truly a transformational experience. Thanks to your mentoring and guidance, my road is clear. Shout out to the kitchen witches for the awesome food and drink. Truly honored to have met and spoke with Stephanie, Morgan and Sambo amongst others in the community. The Oracle experience and Temple was beyond amazing. Looking forward to what is coming down the road.
Excellent! Thanks for sharing. Not just here, at Retreat too!